Tuesday, February 13, 2007
The Picard
First off I would like to thank everyone who has commented, I am a blog-nub and did not realize that I had "comment moderation" turned on, and I did not see them until tonight. I believe I have fixed that in the settings portion, now all the comments will show up.
On to tonight's topic, The Picard.
Older men lose their hair, for the most part. For some men, this is an issue of much sensitivity and they spend thousands on hair replacement items such as Rogaine and Hair Club for Men and many other types of chemicals or treatments to keep that luxurious, 18-years-old-with-a-Billy Squier t-shirt and a '66 Galaxie 500 pompadour in the shape that haunts their senior yearbook picture. The truth is, time is a predator that stalks us all our lives. This is doubly true for the testosterone-laden set, as men with an overabundance of the male hormone invariably lose their hairline at a much faster rate than their estrogenic male buddies.
We have seen the wreckage of this phenomenon, the wigs, the fake mullets, the three-strand pullover, the Ben Franklins, and the (shudder) guys with bad surgical implants. To these men, I offer the final solution to your embarrassing hair follies: The Picard. Embodied by the actor Patrick Stewart on television's Star Trek: The Next Generation Capt. Jean-Luc Picard led the brave crew through countless adventures with a shaved pate that bespoke not only calm confidence, but an overriding masculinity that has seldom been seen onscreen since. The Picard haircut is simple, when you can see your scalp despite you not having had your hair cut in three months you are ready to boldly go where you have never gone before, to the barber shop armed with these words, "Shaver, no guard."
The clean lines will not only make you look younger and tougher, you will no longer be the embarrassment to your colleagues and family, and they will stop talking about that woeful comb-over behind your back during the holidays. If you fear that you will suddenly become invisible to the ladies, let me assure you that you will not. The majority of women out there are starving for real men with confidence, masculinity and quiet pride. The sad fact is, no woman respects a man who pulls all 12 strands across a shiny dome in a vain effort to show the world how much he resembles Gollum. Let me be frank here, if I had a nickel for every time a woman of even slight acquaintance asked or simply reached out to rub my head (the one with my face, for the gutterminded) - I would have enough cold hard cash to purchase a vintage Billy Squier t-shirt on Ebay, and another '66 Galaxie 500.
On to tonight's topic, The Picard.
Older men lose their hair, for the most part. For some men, this is an issue of much sensitivity and they spend thousands on hair replacement items such as Rogaine and Hair Club for Men and many other types of chemicals or treatments to keep that luxurious, 18-years-old-with-a-Billy Squier t-shirt and a '66 Galaxie 500 pompadour in the shape that haunts their senior yearbook picture. The truth is, time is a predator that stalks us all our lives. This is doubly true for the testosterone-laden set, as men with an overabundance of the male hormone invariably lose their hairline at a much faster rate than their estrogenic male buddies.
We have seen the wreckage of this phenomenon, the wigs, the fake mullets, the three-strand pullover, the Ben Franklins, and the (shudder) guys with bad surgical implants. To these men, I offer the final solution to your embarrassing hair follies: The Picard. Embodied by the actor Patrick Stewart on television's Star Trek: The Next Generation Capt. Jean-Luc Picard led the brave crew through countless adventures with a shaved pate that bespoke not only calm confidence, but an overriding masculinity that has seldom been seen onscreen since. The Picard haircut is simple, when you can see your scalp despite you not having had your hair cut in three months you are ready to boldly go where you have never gone before, to the barber shop armed with these words, "Shaver, no guard."
The clean lines will not only make you look younger and tougher, you will no longer be the embarrassment to your colleagues and family, and they will stop talking about that woeful comb-over behind your back during the holidays. If you fear that you will suddenly become invisible to the ladies, let me assure you that you will not. The majority of women out there are starving for real men with confidence, masculinity and quiet pride. The sad fact is, no woman respects a man who pulls all 12 strands across a shiny dome in a vain effort to show the world how much he resembles Gollum. Let me be frank here, if I had a nickel for every time a woman of even slight acquaintance asked or simply reached out to rub my head (the one with my face, for the gutterminded) - I would have enough cold hard cash to purchase a vintage Billy Squier t-shirt on Ebay, and another '66 Galaxie 500.
# posted by Crom @ 19:31 
Comments:
<< Home
I am a blog-nub and did not realize that I had "comment moderation" turned on
Well, it's about time. I was beginning to take it personally.
My brother has been shaving his head in recent years, for the reasons you describe. Instant solution: from geeky to hot in one simple step.
(Other women think my brother is hot. I think he's my brother. Wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea. Although there are times when I wonder if you ARE my brother, playing a joke on me. He wouldn't do that, though--he'd maybe keep it up for twenty minutes or so, then confess.)
Of course, I shudder to tell you that bald, with a goatee, has been trendy in NYC for the last four or five years. I HATE the goatees.
Well, it's about time. I was beginning to take it personally.
My brother has been shaving his head in recent years, for the reasons you describe. Instant solution: from geeky to hot in one simple step.
(Other women think my brother is hot. I think he's my brother. Wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea. Although there are times when I wonder if you ARE my brother, playing a joke on me. He wouldn't do that, though--he'd maybe keep it up for twenty minutes or so, then confess.)
Of course, I shudder to tell you that bald, with a goatee, has been trendy in NYC for the last four or five years. I HATE the goatees.
I do think that the goatee thing works for some men, but for most - no. I have tried various configurations, mustache, goater, goater without mustache, beard and clean shaven. I get the best reaction from women with the goater or clean shaven, the sans mustache with chin whiskers makes me look Amish, and the regular mustache with no chin whiskers makes me look like a cop or porn star.
If you saw me in a goatee, you would not correlate my appearance with that of the dweebs with their Apple laptops and fat-free lattes whining about the amount of fiber in their stools. Instead, you would probably think I am a old biker and head for the door posthaste. I am clean shaven or be-goatered, depending on my mood.
So there is another Red Flag! Damn!
If you saw me in a goatee, you would not correlate my appearance with that of the dweebs with their Apple laptops and fat-free lattes whining about the amount of fiber in their stools. Instead, you would probably think I am a old biker and head for the door posthaste. I am clean shaven or be-goatered, depending on my mood.
So there is another Red Flag! Damn!
Who says I head for the door when I see old bikers? Old bikers tell great stories, and play a mean game of pool.
It's the rednecks in pickup trucks that make me nervous. ;-)
Post a Comment
It's the rednecks in pickup trucks that make me nervous. ;-)
<< Home
